It is amazing that Sunday is here.
As I enter into my 13, 961st day of my life, it is amazing that I am taken aback that this cool, misty morning has arrived. I am sipping my coffee, contemplating which of the roads less traveled I will take. Nothing seems familiar to me. There is no schedule, no routine. Although, I am sure, in 30 minutes this foggy sense of tranquility will abandon me, as the laughter among the coexistence of my family turns into cries of inequity. For now, I have the confidence and courage to look at life, not as the assessment of a sequence of decisions and outcomes but simply as a crossroads of infinite possibilities.
Out of all the 13, 961 days of existence, I have tried to ‘start over’ more times than I can count.
Perhaps, it is my way of forgiving myself… humbly providing yet another opportunity to ‘get it right’.
Perhaps it courage disguised as ‘hope’… taking a leap into a new adventure, anticipating the excitement of the rewards
at the end of the obstacle course of challenges that will validate my strength and determination…
the pillars, which have been the long standing building blocks
since 13,960 days ago.
Today, on this cool, misty morning, on day 13, 961, I woke up not to find the changing colors of Fall… I have found a small miracle. Among a tree of matured foliage, at the tip of the highest branch I found the turning of a new leaf. It has fought its way to the very top to bask in the pale light of the rising sun, to dance carefree in the cool breeze, to bathe in the gentle mist of a new day.
It is 9:30am and I have finished my coffee.
My oldest is flustered over the concept of sanitation, as he continues to fight the request to clean his room… My husband is wondering when I will begin caring for our children, dropping subtle hints of hunger and neglect, passive aggresively letting me know he will continue to cook and clean when he gets back home from working a soccer tournament. I can hear my two year old daughter telling my eldest “No.” in that tone I have used so many times at the peak of my frustration. And the youngest… oh, the youngest’s patience has expired as he sits, begging to be released from the overstimulating exersaucer that has kept him hostage as we all try to capitalize on a little ‘me time’.
For a moment, I had almost had myself fooled by the imagery of a new day.
Yes, Sunday has arrive.
Chalk another peg on the board.
Day 13, 961.
(insert sarcasm here)